betrayal

I feel like I just betrayed a friend ... Chanel No. 2 is in the history books. I sold her today at the office to a secretary that I work with. My hands feel stained with guilt and remorse.

In photos this one was not as cute or attractive as the first puppy (Chanel No. 1, now named Abbey), but in person, this dog was all charm and charisma. She happily licked the hands and face of every person who came and touched her, and sat quietly in our laps, perfectly content to rest in the warmth of any willing crotch. We taught her tricks, watched her play with her toys, fell in love with her cute ways. So what's the problem, you say? Why get rid of a perfectly good puppy?

Did I mention my wife is bipolar and OCD? She had a love/hate relationship with the dog. It was the cutest little thing to ever come into our lives, and yet it was a seething evil little source of defecation, microbes and bacteria that she could not tolerate in the house. We obsessively wiped its paws, butt, and any other part of her that might have come into contact with the ground with baby wipes every time we took her out and brought her back in. It was an enterprise doomed from the get-go as evidenced by the first one, and yet she had gone and ordered a second one.

I gave this dog ten days max. I was wrong. V. wanted to sell the dog within one day after bringing it home. Yet this one didn't go as easily as the first one. We put her up on craigslist and got nothing but lowballers and non-serious inquiries. Ten days went by, then fourteen. Yeah she's cute, but how many people have $900 to buy a dog? We really lucked out on selling the first one so quick. This one, we had for nearly 3 weeks. We dropped the price to $700. V. even took the puppy to her office and let a coworker take her for a "test drive" for one night. Still no buyer. V. pleaded with me for help in selling No. 2. And today, on day 20, I took her to my office for the first and last time.

Like I said before, the photos didn't do her justice. I knew she didn't look that great in pictures, but I knew in person she would win over so many hearts with her charming personality. I waited patiently for the right moment to showcase her. And today was the day -- Bring your Children to Work Day. The office was swarming with young children, and it was generally understood that very little work was going to get done with all the ruckus going on. From the moment I walked into the office with Chanel in my arms, it was a neverending parade of ooohs and aaahs. Every secretary, admin assistant, and girl in the building was begging to take her for a walk around the halls and hold her. I put two of my coworker's kids in charge of watching over her and taking her out for the day, and watched as they ran all across the office with her, attracting attention everywhere they went. And all the women, who looked at the photo I had emailed around and said "cute, but not cute enough to take home", now seeing No.2 in the flesh, they were charmed and bewitched, fallen under this little doggie's spell.

One of the secretaries approached me about the dog. She thought $700 was too high. I said that we were losing money at that price already, and didn't want to go lower. She offered $600. I said I would check with my wife. After a quick call, we agreed that $600 was too low. I told her my wife was firm on the price, and she could think about it some more and let me know.

Next thing I know, my coworker comes over to my office, saying that the secretary was fuming mad at me, furious that I not come down to her price. She really wanted to take this puppy home tonight. How could I be so callous and inflexible? She was making me out as some kind of a monster. I went back to her and explained that it was my wife's decision, and not mine. I didn't want her to think I was playing hardball and putting it on my wife. I encouraged her to call V. directly to see if she could be persuaded to come down on the price. Things were getting downright tense there for a while and I had to defuse the situation, show her that I was not the bad guy. I felt like a car salesman there for a while. Sleazy and unscrupulous.

They talked, and agreed to meet halfway at $650. Done deal. Chanel's new mommy handed me a check, and I held her one more time, took off her name tag to bring home to Evil-ex-Mommy, and passed her and her toys on to the new owner. She said she likes the name Chanel but might rename her to something else. She likes calling her Angel. That seems appropriate.

I am a daddy no more. All I have to show for three weeks of fatherhood is her pink dog tag and the secretary's check. I don't know if I have the heart to deposit it tonight.

psychosomatic

Well I can hardly believe it but it happened again. V. brought home another puppy. It's another female Malte-Poo mix, and we have called her Chanel No. 2. But wait, there's more!

She ordered the dog behind my back, because she KNEW I wouldn't have let her get one. She even enlisted the help of a friend to order the dog under her name and went to pick up the dog in secret while I was at work.

I came home Friday night and there they were, waiting for me, not sure what my reaction would be. I was in disbelief. V. said she really wanted the dog again, and wanted to show that she could be responsible and care for it. I predicted the dog probably wouldn't last 10 days. The previous dog didn't even make it a week before she was sold.

Sure enough, by Saturday night V. was ready to sell the little squirt. Despite the fact that the dog does not shed and is hypoallergenic, she was claiming that the dog made her itchy and that she must be allergic to it. Up she went on craigslist. Strangely, there were no calls from buyers dying to take this dog home with them. I was glad in a dark sort of way, if she hadn't learned her lesson the first time, well she would certainly learn this time!

So 9 days have gone by and we still have her. This dog is actually a little easier to deal with than the first one. It's much more quiet and docile than Chanel No. 1, and loves to sit and nap in someone's lap. When you let it out of its cage it just wants to hop into your lap and there it will stay. It would be a great companion for an older person who doesn't have the energy to chase a puppy around the house. It's already got enough bladder control to hold it for 7 hours straight, so we don't even have to get up in the middle of the night to take it outside. So it's the ideal dog for us really, but V. still wants to get rid of it. I think the longer we keep it the more the dog will grow on her, but we'll see... tomorrow is day 10, and a potential buyer may come take her away. Right on schedule.

discontentment

My bro-in-law J. and I have been on a quest to find some decent N.Y. style thin-crust pizza in the Fremont area. At first glance you'd think it would be easy -- heck there's a place literally across the street from my house called "New York Pizza". But we've been there, and the pizza was underwhelming to say the least. The place is run by a Chinese guy, and I don't even know if he's ever been to New York. They also sell Chinese take-out food there but we weren't brave enough to try it. Maybe after a few drinks...

So anyways I heard about this place in Newark called Vito's Ristorante and Pizzeria that was supposed to be really good, offering N.Y. style pizza. I got home early from work yesterday so I suggested we go try it. J. readily agrees and we're off to Vito's.

When we get there we are greeted warmly and given menus to look at. After some thought we decide on a large combo pizza and an order of buffalo wings, to go. Because it's our first time there, the lady asks us if we'd like a sample slice of their pizza to try while we wait. Not one to turn down free food, of course we said yes!

A few minutes later the lady brings out a thin slice of pepperoni and cheese for us to try. Oh man, it was exactly what we had hoped for. Thin crust, slightly crispy. Lightly coated with tomato sauce and cheese, a little pepperoni, and some more light cheese sprinkled on top. We polished off that slice in no time, and eagerly awaited our order.

When it was ready, we snatched up the pizza box like it was gold and headed back home. I go to wash my hands, and upon coming back out, I find a look of dismay on J.'s face. "It's too thick," he laments. Sure enough, upon further inspection, the pizza looks like any regular pizza; worse, it looks like Costco pizza. Now don't get me wrong, I like Costco pizza, but it ain't N.Y. style pizza, and that's what we really wanted. And we had tasted the goods, really had it within our reach, with that sample slice! That thin crust delight, where did it go? It was like we had eaten at one restaurant, then ordered a pizza from a totally different restaurant! We ate the pizza, and it was good, but it wasn't nearly as good as the thin slice of heaven we had briefly savored at the restaurant. In fact the crust was downright thick and extremely filling. I think either one of us could have eaten an entire large thin-crust pizza if we were challenged to so, but with the thick crust of this combo pizza we could barely get through half of it. So disappointing. It wouldn't have been so painful if the pizza had turned out this way, but we hadn't sampled the thin-crust version. It was like taking the lead in a race, knowing you had victory in your hands, only to fall short at the finish and come in second or third.

Here's where I think we went wrong -- ordering the combo pizza. I think we should have gotten the simple, cheese or pepperoni pizza and specified the thin crust. We owe it to ourselves and to Vito's to give it another try, I think. They can make the pizza we want, we just need to make sure that's the pizza we bring home.

lexicon

Some of the younger coworkers on my team have been helping me keep up-to-date on the latest slang and lingo. For instance they told me how to "ghost ride da whip" -- here are a few good examples (the last one is especially good).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWy_Hanw_RE&search=ghost%20ride

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJxiopzXCw8&search=ghost%20ride

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZqXb53TeSY&search=ghost%20ride

another great place to learn slang is www.urbandictionary.com.